'Bout that one time-
That one time I made my worst mistake?
You know, goin' to that
Auction House?
No?
It was a dark and stormy night
The sea was shaky
And the dolphins were crying
But the story does not take place here.
Nor does it take place down the street
Where there was this amazing,
Super special, Fantastic
Cake being made.
No, this is down the street from the cake
This is at an auction house called
"Gerrald's Auctions" over out on the island.
It's a store like any other,
In a town where a story like this may take place
My friend told me to go there
Particularly on Thursdays.
It's safe to say that me and this
"Friend" are no longer on friendly-
Errr terms.
Inside this auction house
We have several rows of seats,
Nearly filled to the rim
And there was this Jesus statue
Goin for about ten dollars.
It seemed like everything was normal
Until one gentleman screamed out
"SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS!"
And at that point I decided they were on drugs.
Then I heard "AND TWO BITS!"
Then I decided I wanted to meet their dealer.
However it soon got out of control,
People sent this one small, insignificant
Jesus statute up to hundreds,
That's right I said HUNDREDS of dollars.
I then got up to leave but a bespectacled man stopped me.
"Hey man" he asked "I need a dollar to buy my self. Help?"
Thinking that he was simply eccentric like me
I gave him the dollar before I ran into another man right by the door.
"Hey man" he echoed through the noise, "I need two bits so I can buy my son"
And of course I asked "WHAT?" and he simply echoed everything but the
"hey man" part and then explained that he was the virgin mary
That's right, THE VIRGIN MARY, and guess who she was bidding against
GOD!?!? Apparently the Virgin Mary was bidding against God and apparently two bits
Is a quarter.
So I said "Look pal, I don't know what you mean by your '2 bits' and
Virgin Mary business but I don't like it, not one bit.
So I will leave now."
And while he was begging me not to leave I saw the most
Mind shocking, quaking sign on the wall behind him
And it read "Mental House Thursdays".
That's right, I was in a mad house-
A MAD HOUSE!
So I gave him the quarter and left to
Destroy all affiliations with my "friend"
And I heard an uneventful story about dolphins and stormy seas
And then I heard about the cake, which my"friend" claimed he ate.
Then I went nuts and demanded some cake,
And do you know what he said to me?
Do you want to know what he said to me?
We what he said was this "The cake is a lie"
And he said it so happily,
That I stormed out of their and immediately-
Immediately wrote about my night in the mad house
The uneventful stormy sea story
And the cake, and I sire do want some cake.
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