Day 359

Act 1 Scene 1

(Carsons and Jimmy sit in a small room playing cards. There table is round and the room is very dim and not very well decorated.)

Jimmy

And that was how I lost three hundred in Vegas.

carsons

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe...

(He looks nervous)

Well maybe...

JIMMY

That my wife is a bit insane? Yes it has.

CARSONS

Not that.

JIMMY

So then what?

CARSONS

The gods don't exist?

JIMMY

Don't you dare say that or else-

police

(From outside)

You are surrounded. If you come out now you may be spared. You are being charged with high heresy.

JIMMY

Well look at what you've done! You are going to get us killed!

CARSONS

I didn't mean to.

JIMMY

Tell that to my widow!

CARSONS

You tell that to my children!

POLICE

The mighty Hercules, Emperor of North America and Sovereign of Canada has heard your prayers and will allow you aside him to teach devotion. This is the only chance for survival.

JIMMY

Guess we don't have a choice. Come on Carson boy.

(They exit the building.)

Act 2 Scene 1

(Cut to Hercules' garden. It is a large garden with a throne at the far end. Sitting on the throne is Hercules and next to him are his advisers, Donny and Sally. On a bench near Hercules sits a blind wise person, James. Standing opposite Hercules is Florence, prime minister of Switzerland.)

hercules

So maybe you know why I have called you here.

florence

If I didn't know better I would say you are going to try and conquer Switzerland.

HERCULES

Sort of, boys tell her what we'll do.

donny

First we will blockade all paths into and out of Switzerland.

sally

Then submit to the citizens in the name of the Gods.

donny

The capitol will be burned and your culture will be assimilated and changed to follow the Gods.

SALLY

Finally you will be removed as Prime Minister and sent to the camps.

FLORENCE

So why not do that right now? Here I am.

james

Only a fool would tempt.

Florence

A fool! A fool! You wretched blind man! I would tell you to look at me if you had eyes but alas here I am. Do with me what you will but tell me what you want with Switzerland.

HERCULES

Your stone and I believe ending my title with Supreme Ruler of Switzerland is more fearsome and respect worthy then Sovereign of Canada.

FLORENCE

Respect worthy yes, but fearsome? There is nothing fearsome about Switzerland!

HERCULES

I'm sorry but there will be when I am its Supreme Ruler! Guards, put more holes in her then Swiss cheese.

FLORENCE

Long live Switzerland.

(She is dragged away by the guards.)

HERCULES

May she burn in Hades.

DONNY

Has Hera driven you mad again?

HERCULES

May she burn in Hades.

SALLY

Hercules, just don't make this a repeat of last week.

(Hercules flies into a rage)

HERCULES

MAY SHE BURN IN HADES! (repeated several times)

james

In the name of thy Lord Zeus, I command your calm Hercules.

(Hercules falls asleep)

DONNY

You are a fool, he was gaining wisdom from the Gods!

JAMES

The Gods are quite dull in wit and wisdom. Now I understand there are some prisoners that the Constable wishes to bring before me. Bring our Emperor to his bed and tell the Constable to bring the prisoners in.

SALLY

But he is too heavy.

DONNY

He has spoken.

(He drags Hercules off.)

james

You go too.

SALLY

Who do you think you are? Zeus?

JAMES

Actually yes, much in the same way you think you are Hera and our Emperor thinks himself a demigod. Now go tend to him.

(Sally leaves. An Officer enters.)

Officer

Sir we have the prisoners you asked for.

JAMES

Send them in.

(Jimmy and Carsons are sent in.)

OFFICER

Is that all sir?

james

Stop the execution of Florence. I received a message from Zeus that the death is not meant to be.

OFFICER

It shall be done.

(Officer exits.)

JIMMY

Where is the emperor? I believe he called for us.

JAMES

He is in bed, so speak freely as no one monitors this garden. He does not like people monitoring him.

CARSONS

But he can monitor the rest of us? What gives him that right?

JIMMY

You are going to get us killed.

JAMES

No he won't. I am the wise man of the Emperor, James. He will kill no one if I say other wise.

CARSONS

Then you could have stopped many atrocities, you are a terrible human!

JIMMY

I think we might get killed now.

JAMES

Worry not, I mean no harm. And to you Carsons, I did stop many but because I myself did not want to get killed I let the mad man out a few times.

JIMMY

So, James, you brought us here for a reason. What is that reason?

JAMES

As you can tell he is mad. He honestly believes that he is a reincarnation of Hercules, down to being driven insane by Hera.

CARSONS

And here I was thinking you were a good God fearing man.

JAMES

I fear man like him more than Gods.

(Officer re enters)

OFFICER

Sir, we have saved her and she is waiting in a prison cell pending further orders.

JAMES

You are a good soldier, may the Gods reward you. Teach her cup bearing as that will give humility and check on Donny, Sally and our Emperor. Make sure the Emperor has taken his medicine.

OFFICER

Yes, sir.

(Officer exits.)

JAMES

Now, for my business proposition.

(They go in closer.)

Act 2 scene 2

(Donny and Sally are standing outside of the Emperor's room in a hall way. The Emperor is snoring.)

DONNY

Finally, he is in bed.

SALLY

Doesn't that blind man now how heavy Hercules is?

DONNY

He is blind, so I would say no. He has no idea.

(Officer enters.)

OFFICER

Has the Emperor taken his medicine?

SALLY

You will leave and forget your previous orders.

OFFICER

I am simply asking if the-

SALLY

I heard the first time. You have your orders Officer, now leave.

OFFICER

Very well.

(He leaves.)

DONNY

You did not have to be so mean.

SALLY

The blind man told him of the Emperor's medicine.

donny

The blind man did prescribe it. He is simply making sure-

SALLY

He can make sure himself.

DONNY

He is blind.

(Enter James, helped by Carsons and Jimmy)

JAMES

I have finally found good help.

SALLY

So that is what you do with our prisoners and heretics.

james

Such a bitter woman you are. Has the Emperor taken his medicine?

DONNY

It is ready for him when he wakes.

james

Good, I have prepared a surprise for him when he wakes. The Prime Minister of Switzerland as his cup bearer.

(He begins to leave.)

DONNY

Blind man wait! May I ask a question of you?

JAMES

Yes, you may.

DONNY

Are you happy here. There many pleasures for the eyes but you have no eyes to feast on these pleasures.

JAMES

That may be so but I do have the ability to feel the what the eye sees. I am a man of simplicity but luxury does not hurt and now I have some one to share these pleasures with.

(He exits.)

SALLY

Good job reminding him of his blindness, Donny.

DONNY

At least I am not a bitter woman.

(From within the room)

HERCULES

Why does my medicine always taste like witch's brew?

SALLY

My lord, a gift awaits you!

HERCULES

Which is?

DONNY

The woman Florence, as your cup bearer.

HERCULES

Sweet, sweet victory!

(End scene.)

Act 3 scene 1

(It is Hercules' dining hall roughly a month after the last scene. In it sits Hercules with Donny and Sally and James with Carsons and Jimmy. Florence is pouring drinks and it looks as if there is a celebration going on.)

HERCULES

Carsons, Jimmy I want a song for this occasion. Sing "Happy Birthday".

(Carsons and Jimmy look at us nervously before walking over to a keyboard in the corner of the room. Carsons sings terribly off pitch while Jimmy plays everything up the octave.)

HERCULES

Amazing! Amazing! Now Carsons, tell me about the time Achilles fought with Hector again!

CARSONS

The whole Iliad?

JIMMY

I fear we haven't the time for a bed time story at a celebration.

(Officer enters)

OFFICER

Sir, the negotiations went through. You are now the supreme ruler of Switzerland.

HERCULES

Amazing! Please good Officer, stay and drink with us.

OFFICER

It would be my pleasure, my Emperor.

HERCULES

Good the wine is over there. Help your self.

SALLY

So, hear that? I bet you wish you were dead.

FLORENCE

You are an over glorified-

SALLY

What? Sociopath? I've heard it all before honey. Now go be a darling and get me more wine.

(Florence does so)

DONNY

One day she will poison my wine because of you.

sally

No she wo-

(Sally drops to the floor mid sentence. Donny checks her vitals.)

DONNY

She's dead.

HERCULES

Florence! Answer for yourself!

OFFICER

I will answer for her.

(He shoots Donny dead.)

That is what I think of your Gods and your God delusion.

HERCULES

James, help.

JAMES

Did you take your medicine?

HERCULES

Yes, can you help me instead of aking trivial questions?

JAMES

The effect will kick in, in five minutes.

HERCULES

so you mean, I'll get super strength. I will show you then!

JAMES

Boys explain.

JIMMY

You see, you have been delusional for many years. Killing people for non existent gods.

CARSONS

So James gave you a cholesterol pill to increase your cholesterol and give you a heart attack in times of high stress.

(Hercules shoots James.)

HERCULES

There, now its a draw.

JAMES

Wrong, all I ever wanted was peace. Now may you burn in your own personal Hades because guess what. I win.

(He dies.)

HERCULES

So he wasn't going to usurp me? Then who takes over the empire?

FLORENCE

No one, I'm disbanding it.

(Hercules drops to the ground with a look of pain and grief on his face.)

JIMMY

So now what?

FLORENCE

Get rid of the bodies. James deserves a proper funeral and I guess Donny was decent enough to.

OFFICER

May I wake my money so that I may feed my family.

FLORENCE

You will get a large check in the mail. You have done your job well.

OFFICER

Thank you.

(Officer exits.)

CARSONS

The next couple of months will be anarchy now.

FLORENCE

But they will be right.

CARSONS

You might want to get rid of the cameras all over the place.

FLORENCE

Duly noted.

Finale

(Jimmy and Carsons are standing by James and Donny's funeral pyres as they burn.)

CARSONS

Jimmy, I've been thinking.

JIMMY

Yeah, what is it buddy?

CARSONS

Did we do the right thing?

JIMMY

We freed many from oppresion. How is that wrong?

CARSONS

We created anarchy across a continent.

JIMMY

They'll arange themselves. But Carsons whether it was worth it does not matter right now. What does matter is that it was the right thing to do.

CARSONS

Maybe.

(The film ends on a shot of the everburning pyres.)