Day 276

You know they say you never know what it's like to shoot a gun before you stand in front of a man, your adrenaline pumping, while he aims to kill. The weight of the gun and the pack on your back is enough to hinder your thought. By this I mean it becomes absolutely clear that if you don't shoot first you will be going home in a body bag. That weight is just enough to at the very least have kept my mind from wondering and allowing me to live. Others weren't so lucky like those who faced me. Every day now I see there faces wrapped in a blood curdling scream and I know that when I die they shall be there to meet me once more.

Even before entering this hell house I was one damned good marksman. You know those carnival gun games that are rigged with terrible sights? Let's just say that the guy there didn't know what to make of me. He was clearly impressed but seemed relieved to be free of me once he gave me my teddy bear. I then made the teddy bear do a victory dance. Make of that what you will but keep in my mind that the biggest bad ass in this room is staring you down. That bear is no longer among us like many of my comrades. That was my story, what my whole life was. A bear and some killing.

Sometimes I wonder, was it worth it? Then I look at all of you, how you are still alive, how you can still laugh, smile and play and I realize that it was all more than worth it. Perhaps I do only say this because I was lucky enough to get out alive but I genuinely think that. This is why I am here in front of you today.

I wish to start a new life and I hope that you, ladies and gentleman of the Commission for the Lives of the People, will allow me start anew starting with a change from professions. I genuinely hope that you will allow my request through.

Your Loyal Soldier,

Benedict Wellington